Skeptic Project

So I come out of the store after buying my nightly two liter of caffeine free Diet Coke and what do I see? Some old fat white guy threatening some poor Mexican with a baseball bat. I ask him "What are you doing with that bat?"

His response: WHO ARE YOU? FUCKIN WYATT EARP?

My response: No, but I think I'll call him.

I then proceeded to call the police.

Unfortunately he began to really threaten this poor guy, and the guy was obviously scared out of his fucking mind. An elderly black man begins to join in the confrontation, and I realize this shit is going to get bad.

So what do I do? Well, me being me, I open my mouth and escalate the situation. I notice the guy has a bumper sticker saying he had reached for the sky and climbed Mount Everest.

So I say: "Hey, you got up pretty high did you? Boy, you sure are a lowly piece of shit right now. Do you even have a job?"

At which point he came after my mouthy ass with the bat, which I fled from with great agility.

I don't really know what happened after that, but I heard sirens as I continued walking home.

That is my walking home from work adventure for the day.

I grow flowers.

I am also the office manager of a psychology practice.

But mostly I grow flowers.

Another gem of modern diplomacy.

Ballsy line though.

"lolwut? Matt's a florist? "

Kind of.

"You used to grow your own shit I know it!"

Nope, just flowers!

Yes, but it's Matt. All that comes out of his mouth all day is shittalk, yet from the work of his hands blooms beautiful pink rhododendrons.

I'm vice-versa, I usually talk nice, but grow Habaneros that will scorch your throat. They also look pretty nice though.

I have an outdoor garden with all sorts of assorted lilies.

@Genogza hah I used to work in a flower shop too as a teen. I actually enjoyed putting together arrangements, being that I'm pretty artistic.

flowers are for flowers